Hello, my name is Kevin, and I am an ex-Sith Lord.

A little background… I have been watching the Star Wars series with my eight year old son as he is a Star Wars fanactic. I myself have never watched Star Wars before. Yes, I know that is weird. But I haven’t watched ET or Titanic either. Not that I don’t watch movies, cause I do, just never got to see these.

Anyways… I have come to the realization that I am a recovering Sith Lord. There is a fabulous scene in the Revenge of the Sith where Obi-Wan Kenobi is fighting with Anakin Skywaker (aka future Darth Vader). Future Darth Vader bellows, “If you’re not with me, then you’re my enemy.” Obi-Wan Kenobi responds by saying, “Only a Sith Lord deals in absolutes.”

Wow, cut me with a light saber! Only a Sith Lord deals in absolutes. Absolutes, right and wrong clearly these are things to be valued, cherished and extoled. I went to 4 years of Bible School and Theological training to equip me with what is the right view on everything. I had an absolute and right view on everything. You name it. I had an answer. And of course my answer was the right answers, absolutely! I realize now that I had graduated, not a heart of love and grace, but with a mind that measured everything. I had traded in my cap and gown for a measuring stick, a ruler.

Instead of the Word of God becoming a beautiful story that depicts a story of a lover after a beautiful bride, it became the measuring stick of how I measured everything and everyone.

Not to mention that walking through life while carrying a measuring stick is just plain difficult. (I realized that my tool for measurement had become a cane, to beat those who did not agree with the ‘right and abosolute’ into complete and absolute submission.

Crazy thing with measuring sticks or beating canes (whatever vernacular you want to use). They are extremely productive. Trouble is that when you begin to use the tool of absolutism and ‘being right’ you end up beating up a lot of innocent people.

I had become a dark Sith Lord, only dealing with absolutes. Dialogue, discussion, hearing, listening and reasoning… why stand on that defenseless ground.

My past experiences, which I wish could be just chalked up to a bad dream, are littered with statements of “If you are not with me you are against me.” And of course I knew that god was on my side. So you are not only against me, but you are against God. Deal with that!

So this is what I see. I see a past of bruised and battered people. People who held different positions and thoughts than I did. Most of these people were honest, God loving and God fearing people who were struggling with their faith and trying to articulate in the best way they knew how.

So I need to say, I am sorry. Sorry to all of those who I haven’t agreed with. I chose disagreement over relationship, I chose being right with being love, I chose speaking over hearing.

I chose my things over the things of God.

Now I hear all the screaming but…, “if we don’t have absolutes what will stop relativism to sweep over us and force us to accept whatever each of us want to believe.” I wish to talk about this more in Part 2.

Kevin, an ex-Sith Lord

So why a blog? Really does the world need another presumptuous voice, spewing more thoughts and opinions into the blog-o-sphere. (this is especially concerning as I needed my spell check to spell “presumptious”)

But yes, and here are the reasons…

1. I am a rationale, emotion stuffing mennonite. It’s not that there are not things going on in me, but the things that are there I’d rather not share. At least out loud. And so in my natural extremism, what a better medium to share my thoughts and feelings than a blog in which anyone can view my inner dialogue. Many of my thoughts/feelings will likely be in a form of roadkill. The problem with ignoring the dead things along the road is that it makes things a lot messier than they need to be.

2. It is setting the stage for my macbook pro. I need reasons to get a macbook. Really good reasons. Every good toy starts with an even greater excuse for getting that toy.

IE. “Honey, if I get a macbook I can spend more time with you since I will be more efficient with work. It will actually be a time saver.” Funny thing is I actually believe this.

3. Because I can. Now I don’t say that as a smart-donkeyed response to the individualism and self rights that possesses much of the western world.

I get to speak in terms of my relation and correlation to this beautiful world. No one has has the oldest son-Canadian-mennonite-bible school-christian and missionary alliance-pentecostal-fundamentalist-ex youth pastor-american-father-2 kids-home inspector-ex capitalist-cell group-house church-emerging church-Jesus centered history that I have. I realize that my life is a map.

4. I need to express. I don’t play music, I’d don’t cook(other than a great eggs and bacon breakfast), I’m not an artist, but I’ve come to realize that I need to express. Something needs to get out of me to make me sane. (BTW, I think that is the same for you, for all of us, we all need to express.)

So there it is.

Out of the desert and into the Sun.