Hello, my name is Kevin, and I am an ex-Sith Lord.

A little background… I have been watching the Star Wars series with my eight year old son as he is a Star Wars fanactic. I myself have never watched Star Wars before. Yes, I know that is weird. But I haven’t watched ET or Titanic either. Not that I don’t watch movies, cause I do, just never got to see these.

Anyways… I have come to the realization that I am a recovering Sith Lord. There is a fabulous scene in the Revenge of the Sith where Obi-Wan Kenobi is fighting with Anakin Skywaker (aka future Darth Vader). Future Darth Vader bellows, “If you’re not with me, then you’re my enemy.” Obi-Wan Kenobi responds by saying, “Only a Sith Lord deals in absolutes.”

Wow, cut me with a light saber! Only a Sith Lord deals in absolutes. Absolutes, right and wrong clearly these are things to be valued, cherished and extoled. I went to 4 years of Bible School and Theological training to equip me with what is the right view on everything. I had an absolute and right view on everything. You name it. I had an answer. And of course my answer was the right answers, absolutely! I realize now that I had graduated, not a heart of love and grace, but with a mind that measured everything. I had traded in my cap and gown for a measuring stick, a ruler.

Instead of the Word of God becoming a beautiful story that depicts a story of a lover after a beautiful bride, it became the measuring stick of how I measured everything and everyone.

Not to mention that walking through life while carrying a measuring stick is just plain difficult. (I realized that my tool for measurement had become a cane, to beat those who did not agree with the ‘right and abosolute’ into complete and absolute submission.

Crazy thing with measuring sticks or beating canes (whatever vernacular you want to use). They are extremely productive. Trouble is that when you begin to use the tool of absolutism and ‘being right’ you end up beating up a lot of innocent people.

I had become a dark Sith Lord, only dealing with absolutes. Dialogue, discussion, hearing, listening and reasoning… why stand on that defenseless ground.

My past experiences, which I wish could be just chalked up to a bad dream, are littered with statements of “If you are not with me you are against me.” And of course I knew that god was on my side. So you are not only against me, but you are against God. Deal with that!

So this is what I see. I see a past of bruised and battered people. People who held different positions and thoughts than I did. Most of these people were honest, God loving and God fearing people who were struggling with their faith and trying to articulate in the best way they knew how.

So I need to say, I am sorry. Sorry to all of those who I haven’t agreed with. I chose disagreement over relationship, I chose being right with being love, I chose speaking over hearing.

I chose my things over the things of God.

Now I hear all the screaming but…, “if we don’t have absolutes what will stop relativism to sweep over us and force us to accept whatever each of us want to believe.” I wish to talk about this more in Part 2.

Kevin, an ex-Sith Lord

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1 Corinthians 13:7 says “Love believes all things.” Really, all things? Now there must be some allegorical, some mystical view of this verse. A literal interpretation on this verse makes me feel uncomfortable. Come on Paul, you really can’t be asking me to believe all things. We have a words for that kind of person. Gullible. Sucker. Really Paul, you must mean something different than this. Really, does Love believe all things?

Must I believe my friend who I feel has hurt me and when confronted tells me that was not his intention.

Must I believe my wife when she tells me that she did not mean to spoil our monthly budget, but was trying to feed our family with healthy, organic food.

Yes, I have to believe Paul knew exactly what he was saying when he said that Love is believing.

Cause that is my Lord.

My Lord is believing.

He believes me when I recommit myself to Him, knowing that I am going to fail.

He believes me when I ask forgiveness, knowing that I am going to falter.

He believes me when I say I want to spend time with him, knowing that I am going to sleep in the morning.

Some may call Him gullible, some may call Him a sucker.

But I call Him Love.

And He’s my Lord, who is my Love, and He believes me.

And so I must do the same…

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